One thing that's always baffled me is the super-human ability of toddlers - one, being the skill of being able to make produce more material than what the kid started out with. Anyone who has closely observed a toddler in action will know exactly what I'm talking about.
For instance: You set the child in a high chair and give him some spaghetti. Come back to him and there is spaghetti literally EVERYWHERE in a 6-foot radius of the high chair, all over the tray, in his hair, all over his body and somehow some that has gotten inside his clothing... even the diaper sometimes. This doesn't even account for the food that he has already fed the dog. You KNOW you didn't give the kid that much spaghetti. It's not even possible for an adult to spread that amount of food out in such a large area. And you know the baby has finished (I mean, actually gotten sufficient amount of food in his mouth for him to be satisfied) because once he is no longer hungry, he attempts to throw every particle of food off the tray and onto the floor and anything or anyone else in the local vicinity.
All the input being taken into account, the chunky kid continues to gain more chunk, even if for all intents and purposes, it appears that none of the food makes it into his mouth. And the toddler also needs to get the energy from somewhere. As an active person, I know how many calories I burn from strenuous physical activity. I know how many more calories I need to ingest in order to keep up with a toddler too. And it's a lot. I might eat a donut or two... and I made the mistake of handing a nibble of donut to the baby as he was in the living room. How in the world such a small portion end up in such a large debris field of crumbs and white powder, I will never know. Now shut up and give me another donut so I'll have the energy to clean up this mess.
*Scat alert* If you don't want to read about poop, read no further.
Then comes the sheer volume of human waste produced by a toddler. I lose track of counting the number of diapers that a toddler completely fills during a day. An adult might use the restroom once, maybe twice during the day for such matters. A baby will poop, then once you change the diaper, will take satisfaction of pooping again in that fresh diaper. How is this even done? Several months ago, before we had babies in the house, we were thinking about having our garbage service come every other week because we weren't filling the can. And the stuff we DID put into the can was so light, I was wondering if someone was throwing bags of helium balloons away. Now, with three babies in the house, the garbage can gets so full every week that I have to get in and stomp down the garbage. Besides when we are knocking out walls for remodeling or decluttering, the last time I can recall having to stomp on the garbage to get it all to fit was when the kids were going to elementary school. The reason I remember that because I was jumping off the fire hydrant into the can when the school bus showed up, which was kind of humiliating hearing some of the kids laughing, "Look at that man jumping in that garbage can." I had to become more discreet about my trash-compacting activities after that.
Not only is there a significant amount of bulk added to the can now, but there is also a lot more weight - which can directly be attributed to soiled diapers. Bags and bags of them.
Now, this may seem kinda gross, but if you come as a guest to my house, prepare yourself for the smell of poop. That's a fact of life when you have babies. No matter how you bag up the diapers, or how many times you spray Febreeze, there will always be that smell lingering... wafting in the air under your nose as you try to enjoy any meal you try to enjoy. This smell doesn't account for the cat litter box, whatever the dog might have rolled in, or any walls, bedding or furniture that the babies might have finger-painted previously... and thank goodness this hasn't happened in this episode of parenting... yet. If you've gotten this far and you are grossed out, it's your own fault. I warned you. But any parent who's ever raised a toddler will shrug it off. Any parent who's raised a toddler deserves a badge... some sort of badge, even if it's brown and in the shape of a poop. Wear it with honor! If you are such a parent, you would wear any such badge proudly, because you survived toddlerhood.
Now onto puberty. 'Nother phase, 'nother badge deserved. We won't get too much off subject, but suffice it to say that toddlers DO have superhuman powers... only to be outdone by the powers of teenagers, which is a whole 'nother story in itself. Now, shall we discuss the superhuman power that toddlers have of finding things? I mean, finding things you thought were hidden or that you don't even remember owning anymore? Toddlers...
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